"I feel like you're not attracted to me anymore."
"Why, I bought you flowers the other day."
"Yes, it's true, you bought me flowers. That's a fact, and it was a nice gesture. But what I really want is you. Your presence. Your attention."
"But I do so much for you. I bought you those new shoes. I upgraded your smartphone without you asking. I took you to that farm-to-table bistro you like in uptown. I paid for the new bathroom remodel."
"You're right. You did all of those things. You give me so much, materially. I appreciate it. I feel fortunate, privileged even. But do you hear me when I tell you that something is missing? I can't quantify it -- and you can't fact check it -- but it's real to me."
"I don't understand what you are talking about. I'm trying to have a logical conversation with you, but you're so overly emotional all the time. What do you want from me?"
"I said it already. It's not that I want something from you. I want you."
"Give me a break. You have me. We've been together for 6 years. Your name is on my life insurance policy."
"But you're rarely fully present with me anymore. You give more attention to your motorcycle. It's like you're always preoccupied. I can't feel you and it's harming our relationship."
. . .
Whether it's with our lover or our children or our parents, we too often get caught in the trap of trying to be right. We tally and manipulate facts to fortifiy our position.
But relationships don't thrive on facts.
They thrive on feelings.